I don't know how many of you have a loved one serving in Iraq, either with the military or as a contractor but I imagine there are many of you who share this one thing in common with me. There is someone I care for deeply who is working as a contractor in Iraq. I hear from him occasionally but not often enough to ease my fears. At times I ask myself if it is worth having this relationship. The pain caused by his continuous absense sometimes makes me feel like it is far too much to bear.
There are some days when I actually forget I have someone to love simply because you just grow so increasingly used to not having someone around that it just becomes second nature to be alone. Does that mean I don't love him? I don't think so. For me, it means I am more and more alone everyday. I liken the feeling to the same feeling I have at losing my father to heart disease this past month. It doesn't get easier to handle the loss, you just keep going one day at a time and pretty soon, the pain gets to be less and less. It doesn't mean that I didn't love my father, it simply means I am dealing.
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